regret :'(

hello world!
ah not too excited to write something here really :'(
but i wanna and maybe MUST to share this to you blog fufu. maybe better in indonesian ya, english ribet dan jg lagi SANGAT ga mood.

oke, ini tentang nilai raport yang SANGAT BERHASIL buat gue stresssssss. AAAAAAA rasanya pengen tereak sekenceng-kencengnya. mungkin emang nilai gw ga jelek, malah naik dari semester 3 kemaren, tapi ranking gw turun bleeeeeeeeeeesssssss!!!!!
waktu kelas 7 gw bisa dapet ranking 1 dan di kelas R-SBI itu kebayang ga sih bangganya kaya gimana. tp sekarang rasanya tuh ya Allah kecewa bgt bgt bgtttttttttt :'((
malu bgt mau nyebut ranking brp, walaupun masih masuk 10 besar tapi ahhhhh padahal tiga semester kemaren bisa masuk 3 besar sekarang kedepak jauh banget.
yang jelas pertama gw nyesel karna gabisa banggain orang tua gw, especially bokap. soalnya yang harapan terbesar bokap itu di gw dan gw nyia-nyiain itu. ya Allah.........

sebenernya banyak (banget) faktor yg mempengaruhi sih. ga cuma karna udah mulai pacaran, tp juga karna gatau kenapa semester 4 ini gw banyak bangeeeeetttt dapet masalah. jadinya pikiran bercabang kemana mana. oke, gaperlu mungkin gw kasitau apa aja faktor faktor itu yang pasti semuanya bener bener bikin nilai gw jatoh.
sebenernya kalo nilai ulangan sih lumayan bagus, nilai raport juga 8 sama 9 gada yang 7 kebawah. tapi mungkin karna gw males ngerjain tugas kaliya. pengaruh adanya internet juga sih, jadi males belajar fufu.

kemaren juga bu zul sempet nasehatin gw. dan itu bener bener bikin gw down setengah mampus AAAAAA :'(
sampe di sekolah sempet nangis haha cengeng bgt emang gw. mana diliatin anet, alman sama ka agni haaaa malu parah. tp gw juga bersyukur bgt bgt ada mereka. mereka yg support gw, yang buat gw jadi up lagi, nasehatin gw. dan gw masih inget banget kata kata ka agni kemaren. dia bilang

"udah chy, jadiin ini motivasi buat kamu bisa jadi lebih baik. buktiin ke bu zul dan semua orang kalo kamu itu bisa. senyum kamu itu manis, tunjukin itu sama dunia, sayang kalo di pendem pendem....jangan nagis yaa"

AAAA tx bgt buat ka agni, it means a lot for me kak ;') kalo semua kakak kelas kaya ka agni, wah damai pasti dunia haha. me love you ka agni :)
trus juga makasi banyaaaaaaaaaak bgt buat alman sama anet, support kalian berarti bgt aaa love you both haha.

dan buat orang tua gw, mamah sama ayah, aaaa chicy minta maaf bgt belum bisa kasi yang terbaik, belum bisa banggain kalian. tapi suatu saat chicy janji, janji bakal perbaikin semuanya, janji bakal jadi lebih baik, JANJI SUATU SAAT BAKAL BUAT AYAH SAMA MAMAH BANGGA DAN TERSENYUM LIHAT PRESTASI YANG UDAH CHICY DAPET :))

pikiran aneh dimalam hari._.

hello! masih dihari yg sama dengan postingan sebelumnya, jum'at.
gw udah bilang kan mungkin gw bakal posting lagi setelah itu, dan karna lagi gamood tweeting.
gw menghayal lah sendiri. dan tiba-tiba....................jdueeenggggg!!!!!!! pikiran gw melayang ke arah.....mati._.
oke satu kata itu emang selalu berhasil buat gw takut. siapasih yang gatakut mati woy? sok banget kalo ada yang bilang 'engga. gw gatakut' HALAH! bobat pasti itu. sok. sok gapunya dosa.
kadang banyak orang bilang (terutama sering kali di send ke twitter) 'lebih baik gw mati. capek' or 'mati aja ah gw. gada yg peduli sm gw' or 'mati aja kaliya gw' or etc. oh come ooooon baby. gw juga ga mungkirin kalo gw sering bilang gitu. tp beberapa menit setelah itu gw selalu sadar kalo Allah itu baik bgt sama gw, Dia udah ngasi gw kesempatan untuk hidup lebih lama. ngasi gw kesempatan buat bikin semua org yg sayang sm gw tersenyum. dan terkadang kita termasuk gw lengah akan hal itu.

gw selalu merinding sendiri kalo bicarain tentang ini. jujur, gw takuuuuut setengah mati.
gw belum siap lahir batin. iman gw masih gakeruan. sholat bolong bolong, masih sering boong, masih belum bisa ikhlas, dan masih banyak lagi yg belum bisa gw lakuin secara maksimal.
gw kadang mikir, kalo gw mati ntar trus dikubur dan ditanya sama malaikat, apa yg bisa gw pertanggung jawabkan? amal? kalo dibandingin sm dosa gw mungkin 1:300 kali.
gw masih belum bahagiain nyokap bokap gw, belum bisa banggain mereka. malah yang ada gw bikin susah mereka, bikin mereka sakit hati. Ya Allah................................

kesininya gw jadi mikir tentang arti........bersyukur.
yes, satu hal yang penting tp sebagian banyak dari manusia abaikan. gw pun kadang lupa.
yang gw bisa cuma nuntut ini itu sama bokap nyokap tanpa tau dan peduli gimana susahnya bokap gw nyari duit banting tulang buat gw sm keluarga gw tetep bertahan hidup, buat nyekolahin gw sama adek gw, buat nurutin apa yg gw sama adek gw minta hanya supaya Dia bisa liat kita senyum. Subhanallah........
gw emang ga kaya, tp gw juga ga miskin, bisa dibilang standar lah. tp begonya gw, gw gapernah bersukur akan hal itu. padahal anak anak diluar sana masih banyak yang jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuh lebih lebih menderita. mereka bahkan banyak yang gapunya tempat tinggal, gapunya orang tua, gapunya pakaian layak. tapi mereka tetep bisa bertahan hidup. ya Allah, kalo dipikir gw itu beruntuuuuuuung banget banget. bisa sekolah, bisa punya tempat tinggal yang layak, punya pakaian yang layak, bisa makan pake daging lengkap, bisa jalan jalan ke mall, etc.
padahal Allah cuma minta gw sholat 5 waktu dan ngaji, itu aja. tp ya Allah knp susah bangetsih dilakuinnya. pemikiran kayagini itu kadang bikin gw nangis. ya itu wajar kan? gw emang cengeng. tapi seenggaknya gw selalu nyoba buat jadi kuat, tegar. terserah mau bilang gw sok kuat atau apa. persepesi orang kan emang beda beda ya.
dan alasan knp gw bisa kuat itu adalah orangtua. yeah, they are the biggest supporter in my life. mereka yg selalu ngajarin gw untuk bersyukur, dan jangan terus liat ke atas. demi Allah i'm proud of them :')

satu lagi yang bikin gw kuat.....pacar dan sahabat sahabat gw. dan lagi lagi gw harus bersyukur untuk anugrah yang tak ternilai ini. Allah sayang banget ya sama gw, sampe Dia ngasi gw orang orang yang luar biasa kaya mereka yang selalu nemenin hari-hari gw. Sahabat gw, Bella, Anet, Isa dan sahabat dunia maya gw Layla & Neyna, sumpah gw beruntung bgt bisa kenal sama mereka dan temenan sm mereka. mereka selalu ada. walaupun kadang pasti adalah sedikit rasa kesel atau apa, tp tetep aja mereka temen temen yg amazing!
dan pacar gw..........Alman. my wonderful Boy haha. lagi lagi dan ga abis abisnya gw harus bersyukur sama Allah. gw dikasi anugrah yang indah banget sumpah. umur gw mungkin masih 14 ya, tp jangan salah. gw ini udah tahan banting kalo masalah ginian haha. ya dan lagi lagi gw beruntuuuuuung bgt bgt bgt bgt.

yeah dan kalo udah kayagini optimistic gw muncul lagi deh, Alhamdulillah haha.
manusia masing masing punya garis yang udah dirancang sedimikian rupa sama Allah dan itu pasti yang terbaik buat kita. tetap bersyukur, ikhlas dan tawakal, itu kunci sebenernya. kita harus siap kapanpun kita dipanggil. dan itu adalah saat dimana kita harus mempertanggung jawabkan semuanya. semua yang kita lalui di dunia. rasa takut itu cuma bisa dihindari dengan ibadah. mau masuk surga ya harus banyak ibadah. walaupun hal itu gasemudah yg gw atau kita bayangin. always feel optimistic aja, percaya sama diri sendiri. that's it ;)

udah malem btw. oksdeh bye mmuuach kisshugpoke :*

poor me-_-

hello!
gw mau posting apa ya? hmm have no idea. otak gw buntet tet tet tet sama sekali gabs mikir. oh my-_-
hari ini jum'at kan? yay gw gamasuk sekolah hari ini haha bolos doong^^ <--- jangan tiru adegan ini-_-) ye abis ngapain gitu disekolah. semesteran udah kelar, paling dateng trus momot meco (bahasa planet artinya semacam...........auk ah gw gatau bahasa indonesianya apaan krik-_-""") jezzz masuk sekolah jd gapenting banget. hasil ulangan jg kayanya udah dibagiin semua. dan hasilnya............JDUEEENGGG!!!!!!! mayanlahyee gajelek gabagus. yang bagus cuma bahasa inggris doang 9,4 sm BIP 9,2 wkwk bagus kan? haha gapapa gw pamer nilai segitu dan the most important is itu MURNI haha (YYY) tptptptptp yang lainnya ancur deng-,-' ga ancur bgtsi kebanyakan 8 koma sekian. 7 koma sekian ada dua IPS sm bindo (parah bgt gw malu maluin indonesia krik) trus IPA............................hahahaha yg ini gw nokomen. tp ga fear juga masa yg bagus gw kasitau yg anjlok kaga-_- IPA gw........jengjeeeeeeeng....................6,2!!!!!!! what the fvck-_- temen sekelas juga pada kompak dapet segitu, yaiyalah join wkwk. yg paling tinggi 7,5 krik parah bgt kelas gw. hidiwww SBI apan kayagini menang nama doangsi-_-
tapi sukurnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ulangan IPA kmrn itu yg dibuat sm dinas so gada remidial. HWAAAAAAAAAAAA senangnyaa u,U abis gmn ya garela aja gitu gw masaiya disuruh bljar lagi buat remed. idih o?gah~
tp gaenaknya ntar nasib nilai raport gw gimanetuh? halah jalan satu-satunya dan paling ampuh: PASRAH.
trus td gw bongkar tas kan, eh baru inget si anet nitip kertas ulangan IPAnya yg dapet 6 di tas gw supaya gaketauan bonyoknya wkwkw sama ajasi kaya gw-,-"

ohiya trus td kan gw udah bilang gw bolos gamasuk sekolah, nah trus pas siangnya kan gw on pc nih trus buka twitter lah pastinya. eh di mention sm icha katanya td ada pemeriksaan hp gitu.
oke gw ngakak *gatau karna apa* hmm.....kayanya guru sekolah gw udah mulai takut anak anak pada terjangkit virus ARIELUNA atau malah......ARIELCUTTARI hahahaha heran gw knp harus ariel yg buat video baru guru guru pada nyadar anak anak nyimpen bokep?-_-""""""
hellooooooooooo udah basi kali pak buk krik. okeoke gw gamau muna, gw juga dengan JUJUR mengatakan kalau gw juga sangat amat penasaran sama video itu. tp ya sekali lagi faktor umur tidak memungkinkan dan juga iman gw masih kuat untuk saat ini, gatau besok besok HAHAHAHA. oke tinggalkan masalah perbokepan dunia maya, sekarang masalahnya barunya adalah...........
td feby mentin gw juga, katanya kita disuruh ngumpulin LKS IPS dan harus sudah diisi. JDUEEEEEEEEEEENGGG!!! yak malepetaka malapetaka!!!!! gila gw belum ngisi lks se-di-kit-pun. matilah-_- apa yang harus kulakukan-_- neraka-_- ohtidak-_-
oke lebay. tp buat gw ini emang bener bener hell bangettttttttttttt. gila woy kan udah selesai semesteran woy harusnya udah gada lgi dong tugas tugas. satukata : TAI
mati aja yuk yuk yuk(?)-_-
satu lagi yang sangat sangat jadi pikiran gw...RAPORT!!! sampe sekarang raport gw belum ketemu dan seminggu lagi dibagi. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HELL HELL!!!!! padahal perasaan gw udah ngumpulin dari berbulan-bulan yg lalu. tp bu zul bilang gada. gw udah bongkar rumah tapi nihil. samasekali gada. ANJRIITTTT gimana gw ga frustasi coba!!???
sial abis emang gw dah ahilah-_-
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dosa apadah gw ck yahaha kaya judulnya POOR ME.
etp btw ada enaknya jugasi sekolah. bisa ketemu alman wokwkakwkwkakwk u,U

sudahlah, gw mau berautis ria lagi sama twitter. mayanlah penghilang stress. atau mgkn abis ini gw mau posting sesuatu lagi, entah apa. yang penting stres gw ilang.
byeeeee *mukadatar*

wiff my lovely ALBI ;3

hello guys!
hmm i've been told about ALBI rite? yeah, it's the doll that given by alman when we celebrate our first month anniversary. still remember? i hope so haha.

a few days ago i've took some photo with him (albi ofcourse) by my webcam. and it was so cute ;3
here these are :

i look really weird but i like this one haha (y) albi is really cute :3

how cute he is! isn't he? haha. you know i love albi sooooo much. he more then a doll! he like an human. that's why i called him 'he' not 'it' because yeah for me he not just a doll.
he's my new bestfriend! now i can tell anything to him. ANYTHING. yeah haha and it's so incredible for me ;D
alman told me that i should keep albi, and yeah i will! ;)

king of my heart ;) he is................

hell-o guys!
i'm back with new blog-view yeahaaa. how it's look?
yeah i think better like this than before. more simple but more fullcolor also. isn't it? haha
ohyeah i also add some gadgets on the right and below, check it out guys! haha yeah.
one thing that you should know, i'm sorry for my bad grammar haha still learning how to speak english well. i just want to practice it.

oke back to the topic. so on this post, i would like to tell you about hmm........my vanilla twilight a.k.a my boyfie ;)
yeah i've been told you before that i was taken, not single anymore haha is it?
and now i will tell you who he is actually.

Muhammad Alman Yasrid, 30 mei 1996
yeah he younger than me, i'm 1995 and he 1996 haha. but he always said that my behavior isn't look like older than him. it's mean im eeeemm little childish maybe haha.
maybe there are 8 things that i would tell you about him, they are :

1. he is smart.
haa, this one that make me always proud of him. one time, when we still on 7th grade, when we still have a relationship on first semester, we've got first rank in our each class. wohooo! it's cool you know. since that time, he always make all of teacher in our school become proud with the achievement did he've got. yeah, he was great :)

2. he is mysterious sometimes
this one really make me annoyed. i don't why but sometimes i felt that he's so mysterious. i'd never know what did he think. it's like...........ninja? yeah he always called his self a ninja haha.

3. he is a good protector
i don't know why, i always feel safe when i'm on his side. he can take care of me very well and it was one of the reason why i love him. his way of how to protect me is different and it can be explained. he can make me comfort. he was incredible :)

4. the way he look at me
woops! i think he never knew about this one before because which he know so far is i'm afraid to see the look in his eyes. yeah i'm afraid, but again and again i don't why i like it! his gaze is so cool but warmed. confuse? yeah, i'm confuse also. once more i like it! no no.. i love it! haha yeah, i really won't to lose his gaze for sure

5. he can distinguish between love and lust
yeah this is important one! you know i have very bad past that i can't tell you (but he've knowed) hmm......yeah he've told me that he love me not 'cause lust, and i believe that. and you know, when he said that, he was so cool! whoaaaaa. I'm sure he could keep my belief :)

6. he always make me can to forgive him
hmm hmm... i don't know why (AGAIN) each he made a mistake, or made me angry, i always be able to forgive him soon. i can't be mad at for too long. haha sometimes it's good but sometimes not. yeah once again, he's incredible and i love him sooooooo much ;)

7. i can be my self when i'm on his side
it's often a girl isn't being her self when she around her boyfriend. there's many reason, but the but the reason is because most of shame. but it not happened with me when i'm on his side. i can be my own self, and i'm comfort with it. yeah that's mean.....he love me with what i am. don't care how bad i am. and it's really make me feel the real happiness ;)

8. he's being romantic at the right time
you know sometimes i don't like with a boy who too romantic or everytime say 'i love you' honestly I slightly dislike. i think the word 'i love you' isn't as simple as we think. that word is so sensitive and actually must not too often to say. but he always say it at the right time. and it's make this word so special. he not being romantic everytime, just sometimes but it's at the right time. ooh he's so perfect yeah how lucky i am having him on my side :)

9. when he holds my hand
i love this one so much! almost the same with the way he look at me, i feel safe when he held my hand. the warmth of his hand was made me feel very comfortable. again and again he did it at the right time. he held me with great tenderness as if I were valuables that must be maintained at all times. and I liked it :)

yeah finish!! maybe i would add it one day so that it not only nine xoxo ;)
i think it's nothing i hate about him, i'd love all part of him, i'd love him with what he is and i hope he so.
he is like a light in my darkness. he wake me up from a loooong nightmare. he is the rainbow of the rain. he make me smile when my tears falling down. he clean up all my pain. he is the only one who i thinking of. he is the king of my heart. he is my love.................vanilla twilight :))

i'm sorry i can't post his photo because it's soooo hard to take a photo of him you know. maybe it would be the #10th of the list above haha. but whoever and whatever he, i love him with what he is aw aw :D

Happy first month anniversary ;)

hello guys! you know on 6th of june or yesterday, i've celebrated my 1st month anniversary with my boyfie, alman ;)
it was funny and uforgettable!

hari itu gw, sama temen-temen gw, bella anet isa gintang dan alman of course, janjian nonton di stardisk. awalnya bella ngijin ke gw gabs dateng, tadinya gw kecewa banget banget banget. tp pas nyampe stardisk tau tau dia udah anteng duduk sambil nonton. AAAAAH gila gw rasanya pengen remes remes tu anak!!!! resek haha.
and then kita nonton 3 film (gw lupa judulnya yang gw inget cuma affair). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA waktu nonton itu lhoooo. sumpah it's uncredible and unbelievable! oke, alman berhasil buat jantung gw mental mental + joget joget prok prok prok haha.
deg degan aja masi berasa sampe sekarang wkwk.

trus waktu film ketiganya, anak anak lain kan pada keluar gitu. nah pas mereka masuk gw kaget mereka bilang 'HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!'
trus isa ngasi kado gitu gedeeee banget. ya gw surprise lah. katanya itu dari alman dan ternyataaaaa mereka yang udah rencanain ini. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA oh my....... really really surprised!!!!
sumpah gw mau nangis banget waktu itu tp mati-matian gw tahan. gila aja masa iya gw mau nangis disitu, galucu yeah haha.
trus gw buka kan tuh kadonya. isinya.............TARAAAAAA!! boneka teddy bear gede banget haha yeah and it made me was surprised untuk yang kesekian kalinya.
rasanya pengen teriak, I LOVE YOU ALMAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!! haha

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big big thanks for my friends ;)
bella yang udah rela-relain dateng. yang udah buat gw kesel haha good job girl! anet yang udah bantuin ngerencanain semuanya. isa yang udah bantuin beliin tuh kado haha kayanya lo yang paling banyak pahalanya cha wkwk trus yg terahir buat gintang haaaa beruntung banget gw punya temen temen kaya kalian :")

and special thanks for my vanilla twilight, ALMAN ;)
thanks for made that day become wonderful. it's real happiness you know.
i'd never imagine this before.
love you so much more than you know.
longlast for us, This is first of all. firts month, second month, ten month, firts years and hopefully forever ;)

and once more, i wanna introduce this one.
his name is ALBI ;)

how cute he is! isn't he? haha yeah alman told me that this doll is a male. xoxo :)

still speechless on this photo haha. me, albi and alman, what a happy family! xoxo ;D

i'm not single anymore! :")

yeah i'm back finally! long time no post oh yeah you know i wanna to write something on this blog but sometimes i feel lazy.
but now, i'm so excited to write!

oke oke let's start this.
you know what? jengjeeeeeeeeng i'm not single anymore!
wohooooo!!!!!!!!! it's unbelievable sometimes. i'm taken yeah taken!!!

you know who he was?
he was............................................MUHAMMAD ALMAN YASRID!!
yeah my vanilla twilight!! it's so incredible!

oke, hmm i will tell you slowly. maybe it wouldl be easier if i tell you with indonesian rite? haha you know my english is 'acakadut' wkwkwk yeah i'm still learning.
jadi waktu itu pas perpisahan kelas 9 di sekolah gw. gw kan jadi seksi dokumentasi, jadi ya fotografer dadakan gitu haha. but it's funny! at least bisa belajar lah sebelum gw jadi fotografer beneran (haha amiiin)
sebenernya gw agak malu ceritainnya haha tp gpp deh. maybe that you need to know and share my happiness. haha.
nah trus kan waktu itu (langsung lompat aja ya) battery kamera abis, yauds gw sama anet ke lab tik regular buat nge-charge. nah disitu kita cerita cerita dikit. abis itu dia keluar, gw pikir mau ngapain gitu, mau ngambil tas gw atau gimana. eeeh ternyata dia balik bawa alman. jengjeeeeeeeeng......................gatau knp jantung gw berasa dagdigdug jezzjezz mental-mental haha *lebaytapinyata. gw jadi salting gimana gitu aduh pokoknya gaberani ngomong banyak deh.
trus ga lama (lompat lagi) alman bisikin gw. dan lo tau what did he said?................................
"would yo be my girl?"(NB:dia bilangnya pake bahasa indonesia)
HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gw rasanya pengen teriak sekenceng kenceng kenceng kencengnyaaaaaaa.
walaupun dulu juga dia pernah ngelakuin ini. tapi bedanya, yang ini secara langsung!! oh my......it can't be expressed with any words! itu rasanya udah campur aduk kaya es campur. seneng, bahagia, takut, gerogi, gugup. aaaaaaaah......................
trus agak lamaan, jantung gw juga udah mulai tenang, saraf-saraf & jaringan-jaringan badan gw juga udah kembali ke tempat masing masing ahirnya gw berani untuk bilang..............'iya'
dan TARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, resmi deh i'm belong to him and he's mine ;)


yeah 6 mei 2010 - RICMAY
i'm alman's now ;)